Be still and know.
O my soul, wait in silence.
Wait and hope for and expect the Lord.
These are beautiful words. Some of the most beautiful to me, all of which I have highlighted and bookmarked and all those things you do. And my heart and soul take them to, well, heart. But my brain will. not. shut. up.
Seriously. Just shut up. That’s all I want. A day without a hamster wheel of what if’s and why not’s and where and how and could/should/would’ve. I can’t just turn it off. There’s no switch, it’s not anything I can control, which may be the most frustrating part of it all.
I used to be the queen of thinking about nothing. It drove my mom crazy. We’d be riding in the car, and I’d just be sitting there and she’d ask what I was thinking about. “Nothing,” I’d say. And I was legitimately thinking about nothing. It’s a gift, and it was beautiful.
I now think about everything all the time. I still have those moments now and then, but they are the now the exception rather than the rule. Half the time I’m thinking about trying to think about nothing which just doesn’t get me anywhere. Brandon laughed at me last week because I said out of the blue,”I’m just thinking about all there is to do.” He said “Why don’t you just do some of it, instead of just thinking about it?” Touché, sir. But that’s the thing. The thinking is so crippling that it overwhelms and actually DOING becomes impossible.
I want so much for silence. My silence was broken last night by a baby who peed all over himself in his bed. That was fun. *sarcasm font* I want to be still and wait and hope and expect. Those precious moments I can catch, that my mind settles and I can just be.. I hang on to those for dear life. I know there will be a day when they will come again. They will be the norm, available on command.
Until then, I will wait in the waiting. Expect the expecting. Anticipate the stillness.
Here’s hoping.
